Skip to main content

8 Reasons Why The Star Spangled Banner Sucks A Big Ol Bag of Donkey Dicks

1- It's Old as Fuck

Why does the SSB sound like an old ass song? Because it is. The SSB was written in 1814, so it's 202 years old. Scrap it for a modern day song. 

2- The Star Spangled Banner's Melody is Hypocritically British

The Star Spangled Banner was originally called "The Defense of Fort McHenry" because Francis Scott Key watched as the British Imperial Navy & Army sacked Baltimore from behind enemy lines, from behind the 50-ship British fleet, during the Battle of Fort McHenry. And not as a prisoner, however, as I was taught in grade school. Francis Scott Key was arranging a prisoner exchange for President James Madison's friend Dr. William Beanes. So ol Frank Key was a protected diplomat during the Battle of Fort McHenry, wining and dining with British authorities while the Sack of Baltimore happened.

The 1814 "Defense of Fort McHenry" poem was put over an elitist & aristocratic British drinking song melody called "To Anacreon in Heaven". The war we were fighting in 1814 was the "War of 1812", which was against the British...

Why put your anti-British poem over a British melody? It just doesn't make any sense.

3- The Star Spangled Banner is Racist as Fuck

Previously, during the "Bladensburg Runs", Francis Scott Key was a Lieutenant who got his ass kicked in battle, and guess which regiment was in that battle? You guessed it. The Black MarinesThe Black Marines were the 6,000 ex-American slaves who deflected to the British because they offered them freedom. That regiment of 6,000 ex-American slaves was called "The Corps of Colonial Marines". I call them the British Black Marines, or just the "Black Marines" for short.

After kicking Francis Scott Key's regiment at the Battle of Bladensburg's ass, the British (with the Black Marines) would then go on to sack Washington D.C. The Library of Congress, the President's house, and the White House would be burnt down to the ground, which represents the worst military defeat Amerika has ever had to endure. 

When ol' Frank Key would watch the sack of Baltimore a few weeks later, he'd see the Black Marines again. And Francis Scott Key took considerable pleasure in seeing the Black Marines specifically running away, or being killed. Francis Scott Key immortalized his pleasure in seeing the Black Marines die in the 3rd stanza--the climax--in his 1814 "Defense of Fort McHenry" poem:

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore

That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion,

A home and a country, should leave us no more?

Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps' pollution.

No refuge could save the hireling and slave

From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave

References for this are here and here and here and here and here.

4- The War of 1812 Was A Stupid Pointless War

Even Francis Scott Key himself was against the war. Key said that War of 1812 was "abominable" and "a lump of wickedness."

The War of 1812/1813/1814/1815 was when the United States of America tried to invade & takeover Canada. But we failed. Canada still celebrates this war as one of their founding nationalistic wars.

60% of all American soldier deaths were Kentucky soldiers. 

The White House, President's House, the Library of Congress, and the Congress building, as well as other federal buildings, were burnt down, burnt down to the ground, and Washington DC, the city itself, was sacked! Like Rome was sacked.

Tecumseh was killed, as were many other native American tribes, such as: Shawnee, Miami, Creek Red Sticks, Ojibwe, Fox, Iroquois, Mingo, Ottawa, Kickapoo, Lenape/Delaware, Mascoutens, Potawatomis, Sauks, Ho-Chunks (racistly called the Winnebago) & the Wyandots. The native Americans were killed so that white Americans could invade, occupy & then settle on their lands in Ohio, Illinois, Indiana, Michigan, Wisconsin, Alabama & Georgia.

Ultimately, the Treaty of Ghent said that the British and the American relationship and boundaries should go back to the way they were before the war began. Which means we didn't win. The War of 1812 was a tie, a stalemate.  "Status quo ante bellum"... a Latin phrase which means "the way things were before the war".

5- Francis Scott Key, Slave Owner, was Racist as Fuck
Francis Scott Key said that Black folks in the United States are a "distinct and inferior race of people, which all experience proves to be the greatest evil that afflicts a community."

The GREATEST evil that afflicts a community.

Francis Scott Key owned 1 slave in 1800, and then he owned 6 slaves in 1820. That's enough of a reason by itself--Francis Scott Key was a slave owner--for any person with a conscience to protest the Star Spangled Banner.

Key bought and sold slaves throughout his lifetime, and he actually had 7 of his slaves freed. Key also represented slaves in some court cases, and early in his life, Key had a reputation for being a "Black lawyer", or the "Nigger's lawyer". But he was disappointed in how successful the slaves he freed did in life. Key said: "I have been thus instrumental in liberating several large families & many individuals" ... "I cannot remember more than two instances, out of this large number, in which it did not appear that the freedom so earnestly sought for them was their ruin."

So, since Negroes weren't responsible enough to handle their own freedom, Key figured that sending them back to Africa was best, for the progress of white Amerika. That's why two years after the War of 1812 ended, Key formed the American Colonization Society in 1817, which sent 2,000 Black folks to Africa.

6- Francis Scott Key Killed Abolitionist Dr. Reuben Crandall
After the Snow White Riots of 1835, Francis Scott Key sent out 3 Constables, ie slave catchers, to search Dr. Reuben Crandall's home for abolitionist publications. After finding some abolitionist publications inside a trunk inside the privacy of his own home, the 3 slave-catching Constables arrested Dr. Reuben Crandall for the mere possession of abolitionist papers in the privacy of his own home. Key felt that the abolitionist literature is what caused the Snow White Riots of 1835, and since Dr. Reuben Crandall possessed some of that literature in a trunk inside his home, then Crandall should be arrested, tried, and hung for it. While in jail awaiting trial, Dr. Reuben Crandall caught Tuberculosis, which would kill him 3 years later. Dr. Reuben Crandall died in Jamaica just 11 days after his 32nd birthday.

Even though Francis Scott Key didn't get his wish, and have the State hang Dr. Reuben Crandall, because he caught Tuberculosis, and would eventually die anyways, Dr. Reuben Crandall's blood is on Francis Scott Key's hands.

Listen to it all here:

7- Woodrow Wilson Forced The SSB To Become Our National Anthem in 1916 Before World War 1 By Executive Order

Woodrow Wilson was an asshole for so many reasons. I'll have to write up another piece of this. I'll list one reason here: The Creel Commission.

And it was by Executive Order. So during World War 1, you better sing the national anthem, so says dictator monarch fascist totalitarian imperialist Herr Fuhrer Woodrow, or else be deemed a goddamned traitor!

8- The Star Mangled & Tangled Banner

The Star Mangled & Tangled Banner is bulky, convoluted, and drunk. Besides the final line of the 1st Stanza, the rest of it is for the birds. And you're going to tell me that a bunch of jingoistic redneck assholes knows what all of these phrases mean? They don't even know what a rampart is, let alone what 75% of song's meaning is. Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes. And where is that band who so vauntingly swore, that the havoc of war and the battle's confusion, a home and a country, should leave us no more?

So, I doth wave goodbye now.

1st Stanza

O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?

2nd Stanza

Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,

3rd Stanza

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore

That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion,

A home and a country, should leave us no more?

Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps' pollution.

No refuge could save the hireling and slave

From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave:

And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave,

O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Here's a list of 8 songs that are better than the SSB:

Uncle Sam Goddamn 
Amazing Grace
America, Fuck Yeah
Gangsta's Paradise
Which Side Are You On?
Me, Myself & I
Here
Thug Luv









































Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Books Read By Anne Frank

2 outta 5 Kyians can't read, according to a 1999 Paul Patton Task Force commission report. “44% of Kentuckians struggle with minimal literacy skills, and 37% of the Kentuckians age 25 and older do not have a high school diploma.” http://www.lrc.ky.gov/lrcpubs/rr296.pdf But hey, Kentucky, don't lose heart. Just look at the good side. If 44% of Kentuckians CAN'T read, then that means that 56% of Kentuckians CAN read, so let's look at the positive side. Here's Wendy, a Kentuckian, from Letcher County, who I met the other day:  Many Kentuckians, especially the backwards, racist, and illiterate, love to fuck up their words as bad as they possibly can. “Taters” isn't only stupid... it's childish. Plus, potatoes aren't that great. Potatoes were responsible for killing off a huge Irish population... sure it's one of the world's main basic food staples, but rice, pork, beef, wheat, sugar, etc., are so much more important, and more d...

Haiti's Revolution 3

alex hamilton repn hte US while gw was away gave France $$$ for US repayment of Revolutionary War loans from the US treasury, which amounted to about $400,000 and 1,000 military weapons. N the period b/t Sept 1791 - June 1793, 22 months … US gave $726K to French white colonists. GW was a slave owner. He joined the US rev to protect his slaves from Lord Dunmore's Emancipation Proclamation; GW loved havn slaves, too much. That's why he helped France fight their rebelling slaves. Escargo & frog eatn French. French kiss... french fries... frenches mustard & ketchup french toast deja vu; cest la vie; jena ce qua; ew-lala vis a vis … viola! sacrabeau! ; a propos; au courant; au contraire; blasé blasé blasé Bon yovage! Bourgeouis!; cache cafe! Chueffer! Clique! Cliché! Critique croissant; cul de sac escusez moi; extraordinaire; facade; faux, faux pax; hot shots, part duex; gaffe, genre Grand Prix voyeur boutique cause celebre, laisse faire; madam malaise...

100 Greatest Works Humanity Has Ever Made

A Great Books Canon “To ignore the leaps and bounds we've advanced in the fields of technology and science is to forever play patty-cake to the cavepeople of yesteryear.” Podcast Explanation for the first few Great Books of the Freedom Skool: http://youtu.be/7jD_v4ji1kU This is the Freedom Skool's 2015 list of the 100 Greatest Works Humanity Has Ever Made in the order of most important to least. Books are too limiting in their scope for what ideas can cloud the brain, and folks from all over the world, yesterday, today, men, women, atheist, spiritual, white, black, straight, gay, transvestite, have all helped in the collaboration in the making of this list. Out of the great pool of ideas, the best ideas should prevail. Thus, the 100 greatest works ever are nothing more than the 100 greatest ideas ever constructed. For all intensive and respectful purposes, consider this my own personal 100 “great books” list. For all kinds of culture, things which please the eyes, su...