Dear Ashley Judd

October 24, 2014

Dear Ashley Judd:

I have no idea how to begin this letter, so I'll just start typing stream of consciously, and hope that works well enough. I have lived in Kentucky for virtually my whole life, and plan on dying here. It's been a rough venture so far. I have an irrational love for my home state, but the loneliness is beginning to get to me. I'm 32 years old, and I got the opportunity to hear a speech you made about King Coal in Frankfort, several years back. You probably do not remember me. I got a picture with you immediately after you made the speech. I don't suspect you'd remember me, but that's okay.

I do not want to have too much of a pity party for me, but a lil bit of empathy might not be a bad thing. Your courage in speaking out on mental illness, when we're one of the biggest mentally ill states, and child abuse, which we're #1 in child deaths in child abuse cases, speaks volumes for me. While the right-wingers are always assholes, and the racists, and fascists, and plenty of jerk cops and politicians, being in liberal groups hasn't helped me much either. I've also been attacked by gays, Blacks, and women. The white women, just recently, robbed me of a $50,000 education, and it nearly ruined me. It's like folks only understand Oppression, and nothing else. Like Lincoln, I do not desire to be a master or a slave. I'm a Revolutionary Equalist.

Being stuck in the middle makes me feel vindicated, and if my views are bothering everybody, then I must be right. I used to give oppressed groups all of the credit in the world, and perhaps, they aren't around enough “white” men (I'm 11% African... plus I'm Bohemian, Bavarian, Austrian, and Prussian... wyte doesn't define me), and therefore, they've labeled me as the enemy. I'd love to confront the rich white male establishment, and I believe in solidarity, but I'm not feeling the love anywhere I go. It's a rough state to live in, and I'm fairly educated. Circuit Court Judges make over $1 Million after they serve their 8 year terms. There's so much more going on here as well. I'd like to see a Revolution here, and I see a Governor's race in 4 years. I'm quite safe now, back in the country, going back to my roots, but also, without the violent parents. This time, I get to raise the crops, and run my land how I want to run it, instead of as a farmhand, a nobody slave. But I'm scared. I don't know if I'll be able to make my next month's payments, and well, that's for me to worry about. I have qualifications, but there's bullshit on my criminal record that may make folks judge me before they get to know me, and knowing how folks have already treated me so far, I don't feel confident that I'll be able to get to do the things I want to do. The things on my criminal record... I finally confronted the man who beat me during my childhood for 17 years, and in 2009, and in self-defense, I hit him back. I just wanted a conversation. That has precipitated into something horrible. He went out to his truck, get a video camera, set it up, and started calling me “baby baby”, and just taunting me. He's never talked to me. Not like a person. And that's how he reacts when I just wanted to talk to him. That was it. Eventually, he pushes me, so I push him back, and he screams “Don't hit me!”, even though he attacked me with a swinging elbow first. Anyways. The tiff only lasted for like 30 seconds, with him swinging a golf club at my head, 3 times, trying to murder me, and only stopping when I quickly picked up a golf club that was on the ground. Then, I get criminal charges, and he puts a DVO on me, and now, I have permanent PTSD for the abuse during my formative years, as well as a permanent scar on my hand from the golf club he swung at me, and now, the DVO prevents me from being around him, and he put my two younger siblings down on the DVO, so I have to answer for the illusion of being a criminal, when I did nothing wrong. It's rough. He's the child abuser, but because he's got a oppressed/oppressor wife, so he's vindicated by a society that justifies their abusive ways. There's a school I was volunteering at that still paddles their children (West Point, Kentucky, just south of Louisville). So he's the child abuser, but I'm the one with a DVO on me for defending myself in 2009. I ran away at 17 years old, was Valedictorian, and went to Xavier University, for 3 years, before Bush declared war on Iraq, and I became disillusioned with my education, as well as my purpose in this world, and dropped out. I had over 30 addresses, and over 60 jobs. It also led me to have a Norma Jean/Marilyn Monroe moment. Finally, Obama fixed the college loan program, so where I could consolidate my loans, and I finished my BA in Political Science at UofL in May 2012. So I'm on the right track, I'm still in college, and I have a plot of ground, which I used my college loan for. I'm working on my Masters of Arts in Teaching. The other thing on my record, besides speeding tickets, seat belt tickets, is a paraphernalia charge, which was a marijuana pipe, and that's our #1 cash crop. I've quit smoking, and it's been frustrating, because I've been medicating myself, but I've also been avoiding my problems. So I'm getting to really know myself out here in the middle of Breckinridge County (named after popular political slavers). I was attacked by LMPD for just walking to the store, and they were undercover, so I'm having to still deal with that. They put 4 charges on me, including assaulting a police officer, a felony, when there was no way in the world anybody could have known they were police officers. They were driving an unmarked car, cussing at me, almost hit me, and then they got out of their cars in the middle of the street. The man who hit me was wearing a flannel jacket and a baseball cap. That's it. Standing my ground says I had a right to shoot him.

But that was two years ago. I tried surviving on my own, but eventually, in 2009, I got tired of burning bridges of friends and family who helped me on my journey, and not getting my feet planted, I went back to that house of pain, and occupied it. I knew he was bothered by it, but Mom liked having me around, though she seemed to be more of an Oppressor/Apologist than what I had remembered. I had always thought of her as the “good” one, but with younger siblings, I wonder if she took my rebelliousness against the child abuse as justification to treat my younger siblings harsher. Part of my rebelliousness was to shine light on a violent household, and in my hopes, I hoped that the community would look after my siblings when I wasn't around, or later, wasn't allowed to be around. They seem healthy to me, but my powerlessness may have been mistaken, because now they might be little Republicans, which disheartens me.

Anyways. My point isn't to give a pity party, but I really like you. Big surprise, I know, but, I guess it shows my ambitious nature, and I believe I could make you happy. I know nobody can make anybody happy, but we'd have great political conversations, and it feels like we are coming from very similar perspectives on many issues confronting, not just the Bluegrass, but the entire nation as a whole. We can do a lot of great work together. I've considered writing to you a couple of times, but I was just too lost, and desperate, and... IDK. A recent meme I read today said that when a bird has been caged for such a long, even it will begin to doubt it's ability to fly. Now, while I'm scared of not paying my bills, I feel good about life in general. I have read some Paulo Freire and I feel good with this Oppressor vs. Oppressed philosophy he talked about. Before, I was just in a weird daze, not understanding why nobody could empathize with me, or understand me, but after reading him, it all just clicked. So reading him has given me a philosophical framework from which to springboard off of. So I've got my health, I've got my mind, and I'm got my determination. I've got more than most, and I'm thankful for that.

This 6.5 acre plot of ground is nice, but there's a crappy trailer on it, but I've fixed the heat, and the water situation... there's no running water, so it's feeling a bit like Haiti here, but eventually, I'll move up to running water... there's a water line that goes through my front yard, but for now, it's cistern water, and a septic tank.

Dave Kelley, one of the greatest inspirations in my entire life, told me that every man just has to figure life out for themselves, but it just feels if folks cared... it just shouldn't have to had been this way. Life shouldn't have been this hard. This has been just plain ridiculous.

In my dream of dreams, I would love to be with you, and I could make you happy. But maybe, making me happy would be better for you. We are all of our brother and sister's keeper. You are me, and I am you, and we're all one. IDK. That would be greatest dream come true ever, but even if there's nothing there, there's projects I've thought about working with you on, which you'd be great for, being a big headliner celebrity and all, and I think you just might be interested in them.

Here's some of my ideas:

*being a powerful political couple in Kentucky

*being some sort of political adviser, or introductory speech person for you, or fundraiser person, or, or, etc.

*I've got bunches of ideas for movies regarding Kentucky history

That's where I'm at right now. Having such a rough journey, I want this school to work, and to teach Social Studies in a Kentucky High School, but instead of lecturing down to the students, I would rather practice democratic processes and structures, and inspire them to want to learn. To make learning fun. To make them care about themselves, and to respect each other. There's so many things up in the air right now, and it's not just our democracy (Voter ID laws... wtf?). There's war, poverty, they're questioning Universal Education now, Unions are on the ropes, and I can't believe that Mitch is so close in the polls to Alison. Incumbency rates are 95%, which is ridiculous... we're electing dictators, when they're against our interests. It's most apparent in Clay County, where there's 80% in poverty, and 80% vote for the GOP. That's the chickens voting for Colonel Sanders. While you didn't choose to run for office this time, just your consideration, and Karl Rove's ads shows how desperate they are to hold onto their bought-for power. And because you were considered, there's an atmosphere of idealism and liberalism here, so that allows Alison to look more like a “moderate”, though I believe Kentucky is ripe for an Ashley Judd type truth-to-power no-holds-barred liberal to change things. While Kentucky folks are simple folks, and make due with what they got, and still seem to remain happy, there's counties here that have the majority of the people who do not have running water (me being one of them, now). But, for others, it's been their whole lives, like in Letcher County. In Letcher County, 60% of the citizens do not even have running water. $100 Million has been spent in this campaign, and we haven't even scratched the surface of talking about the problems in Kentucky. It's just a mudslinging show, without any real substance. While I believe Alison is politically savvy, and seems to be on track to winning, my dream of having a liberal Kentucky is still alive and well and intact. My experiences with the judgmental and oppressive liberal elements here that I've been exposed to hasn't allowed for me to give up hope, but it's been rough going. My views have evolved. Even in oppressed groups, there's going to be assholes, and perhaps it's a condition of their circumstances, or maybe just ignorance. I don't know. I'm not a mind reader. A friend that lives a distance away, and I, figured out that most groups probably have good and bad in them. I just wished in 32 years, I would have ran into more of those good ones, which I still have faith are out there... even if it means I'll have to convince them some of them.

I was inspired by the consideration of you for Senate, and knowing Mitch's dirty dog tactics, I threw out some youtube videos in your defense, though they didn't generate much views. I like that you are politically conscious and that you're a liberal. Throughout history, there's only liberals and conservatives, and there's no real definition for either term (they've actually switched places), except conservatives want to keep things the same, and liberals want change. It seems weird to me that being a “liberal” would be considered a cuss word since change is constant, and inevitable.

As a muse, you have made me dream bigger for my state, and that'll never be taken away from me, or you, I suppose. I do believe we'd be the best political couple ever, but that's pie in the sky for now. I'd feel like I'd need to wine and dine you more, but maybe you can see my heart, and can connect with me in that respect.

I also have many great ideas for some movies about Kentucky history. There's plenty of Eastern Kentucky feuds, where the good common folks were fighting against the monopolistic trusts, and there's plenty of native American adventures that I'd love to explore, being the Dark and Bloody State. I've discovered over 30 tribes that consider Kentucky their native state, so that counters what Kentucky's Historian is going around telling everybody, and if you can't get Kentucky's first chapter right, then the other chapters are suspect to me. Klotter's probably a conservative. It doesn't just feel like a movie here and there, but there's entire series of adventures here: hundreds per decade. So it could be a TV show, or a miniseries, or something. There was a large slave rebellion that I'd like to see on the big screen (Patrick O'Brien, I think, was the name of the leader of the rebellion), and there's my favorite, the story of Willis Russell, who basically single-handedly took on the KKK by himself in Owen County, Kentucky. He was up against the County Judge, the Sheriff, and many other local officials who were in the Klan. The KKK wasn't just against Black folks, but also whites who believed that Blacks were people too.

I've jotted down some ideas, and plan on writing screenplays, but I just need to stop getting these deadend jobs, and get into the middle class, and then I'd get to be a whole another player. I've have some power behind my ideas, and folks would begin to notice, and listen. I'm 32 and still a liberal, and don't plan on stopping caring about folks. I believe the Revolution should be perpetual, because as long as there's fascists in power, a person like me will be useful. I don't plan on giving up my ideals, and I'll keep on trucking, there's not really any other option at this point. I'm fairly politically savvy myself. I ran for State Representative, not as a serious run, but as like a Nader run: to get folks to think about bigger ideals. I got coverage, and I was satisfied with how things turned out. I got 20% of the vote, without taking it to the street, and just ranting and raving online. For my purposes, I was satisfied, but the next time, I plan on winning. I've knocked on doors for Working America, fighting for equal pay, children's healthcare, education, etc., and I was on Ralph Nader's Presidential Campaign. Knocking on doors, giving speeches, and shaking hands would have been way more effective... and if I had advertising dollars, and some citizen groups support, or established by that point... I can win an election, that I'm very confident about.

The biggest, and best political idea I have, is a Constitutional Convention, since Kentucky's Constitution is from 1891. Russell Brand said he can only get interested in politics whenever there's radical change being introduced. Reform just isn't good enough. Though Kentucky's Constitution is very old, the original document is golden (compliments of William Justus Goebel, the only Governor to have been assassinated in America... which is another movie to make). Section 4 legitimizes Revolution here in the Commonwealth, so that part I really like. But it's been amended so many times, the original document has little to do with how things are run around here today, most especially the judicial system. In all of the times in court, my innocence wasn't ever considered, and just an accusation was enough for them to assume you did something wrong. At no point was the question asked: what happened? It just didn't matter. Not only am I not a bad person, I'm a really good person. I wouldn't say pure gold, but somewhere near there, lol.

While you're beautiful, and that's great and all, it's your heart that wins me over to you. So I hope you don't think I'm just like some thirsty dude just trying to get with you, because a friendship I'd value more than anything in this world, and to be able to work with you... wow. So I hope you consider some of the things I wrote, and respond back to me, and hopefully, this letter doesn't get filtered out, or thrown into a heap of fan mail.

In the meantime, I'll keep flushing this toilet with the same bucket I bathe out of, and will keep on searching for work, keeping doing college, remaining optimistic, while keeping faith that things will get better.

Yours Forever,

Johnathan Masters